You know what I’m really good at giving? Gifts, hugs and dating advice. The first two are just because I’m naturally thoughtful and sometimes overly touchy. The third is because I am a lover of love and, more importantly, an expert at learning from my own mistakes and the mistakes of friends, family and celebrities.

After my friends and I had dated our collective way through a string of bruised and damaged men, I had recommended to the universe that every man should come with a printed dating history. I had also possibly written the first pages to a potential romantic comedy starring Katherine Heigl as a thinly veiled version of myself that began with the same premise.

That request to the universe and that screenplay both went nowhere not because the idea is stupid (trust me, it was funny after two glasses of wine), but because it is useless.

Here’s why: unless you are both in your very first relationship of all time (in which case, happy Sweet 16! I hope you get a pony!) everyone comes with some kind of past. Sometimes it’s a messy break-up, sometimes it’s the fact that he has made out with three of his co-workers. The dating pool eventually becomes a giant used car lot, where everyone has a trunk full of luggage, a closet full of dating skeletons or anything else that could be used to represent their past within this tangle of metaphors.

See where I’m going with this? I know what I’m talking about, and the basis of nearly all of my advice is this: face forward and move forward.*

Don’t over-analyze. Not every little word, pause or text messages carries some secret, hidden meaning. Sometimes an awkward first kiss is just an awkward first kiss. And sometimes it’s followed by a high five. So what? Work on making that second one count.

Don’t obsess over his ex-girlfriends. Seriously. They are all better left as vague shadows in the back of your mind. If you’re a certain kind of girl, there is nothing on the Internet you will find that will convince you that you are a smarter, more successful, thinner and more attractive version of any of them. And if you’re the other kind of girl, nothing will convince you that they are not a legion of trolls, that are an aberration of your guy’s normally impeccable taste (exhibit A: you).

Because I hate the idea that there are only “two kinds of people in this world,” I encourage you to be the third kind of girl: the one who hopes your dude has taken the lessons from each of his past relationships to become a better person, and let it go at that.

Don’t obsess over your ex-boyfriend. Who cares whether he’s actually dating that “friend” of his that was a vital part of his social life unless you happened to be around? Who cares whether he’s still at that dead-end job or whether he put a ring on another girl’s finger? Who cares if he got fat, bald or both? Okay, I’ll admit that does feel good. Either way, delete him from your phone, your social life, your social media life and your mind and move on.

Also, never trust a guy who wears jewelry. That thumb ring represents everything that is wrong with that guy, in one simple and unnecessary accessory.

*Disclaimer: I have not always followed all of this advice, because it's really hard to take advice from yourself.

by Nora McInerny