Flying Without Fear

| Tuesday April 12, 2011

I am terrified of flying. In short, I am terrified of dying on the flight due to a crash, storm, birds, terrorists, pilot error, and that song "Isn't it Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette.

Typically, I am all about the conquer-and-overcome-I've done it before: four years in the army, losing over 70 pounds, and even overcoming an irrational fear of squirrels. So why can't I dump this phobia?

I was booked to go on a business trip from Toronto to Miami in February, and while the warm weather was hard to say no to, the anxiety of flying made saying yes challenging and somewhat difficult. My business trip didn't become real until I received my itinerary. My head began to spin and before I completely lost it, I did what any other person would've done: Googled. The results of my search on what was giving me so much anxiety, revealed that this fear is a common one and treatment results yielded psychotherapists, hypnotists and doctor dispensed medications. I settled on the Fear of Flying Clinic.

On my first meeting with him, my therapist Paul got right down to business, asking me specific questions about my fears. Paul threw out a bunch of safety statistics that made me feel uncomfortable, and then the appointment was over.

Appointment two: commence meltdown. Everything seemed fine until Paul started walking me through "F-Day" (Flight Day). The "trigger" was "soothing jet engines." Since when are jet engines-powerful and attached to a long cylindrical piece of tin hurtling through the air at over 300mph-soothing? I broke. Tears, shaking, sobbing. Paul was confused and concerned and wrote a letter requesting medication and asked me to visit a doctor.

I went home and wrestled with flying medicated. Wasn't that going against what I was trying to accomplish? Also a skeptic, I wondered what doctor would hand over a prescription for controlled medication to a walk-in patient? The next day I walked in to the walk-in, handed the doctor the letter, and cue more tears and anxiety. She wrote the script and sent me away with tissues.

In the days that followed, the anxiety grew. I started studying weather patterns, looking at the jet stream and even consulted the Farmer's Almanac. I reviewed all the safety features of the airplane, and chose an aisle seat close to an exit.

F-Day finally came and before I knew it I was on the curb at the airport with my bag.

There was check in, customs, security and the gate. I popped one pill and prayed. I boarded, got my aisle seat and buckled my seat belt. The announcements and safety video began. Then the plane was moving and airborne. Paul's words echoed in my head "soothing jet engines" and I finally put it together (jet engines means plane is working properly which means I am safe). Eureka. I watched a movie, drank a soda, used the restroom, and then the plane landed. It was that simple. Was it the medication, or the therapy sessions?

Since returning, I intend to continue my sessions. I am not planning any flights as of yet, but it's great to know that it is possible for me to fly. I am convinced that I will be able to fly without medication and look forward to that. For now, it's one day (and one appointment) at a time.

by Meredith Eng

14 Comments

	on April 12, 2011 meredithk115 4,186 said: @spotty-interesting. That's one of the things my therapist said to me- why would the pilots want to jeopardize their own lives and not train properly for their job? I do understand that but that usually goes out the window once the wheels leave the ground. Believe it or not I used to work for an airline-that's one part of the story that I left out!
	on April 12, 2011 LaurenBlair 128 said: @spotty - that makes a lot of sense Maybe that's why so many people are afraid of it. I think it's pretty cool there is a specific clinic for the fear.
	on April 12, 2011 spotty 4,021 said: Hi Meredith, as you've learned, your fear is common. Flying is a very unnatural thing for humans. Technology has allowed us to take to the skies, but otherwise, we have no business up there. I want to offer another perspective for you. My husband is a commercial airline pilot. He flies 75-100 hours per month. Just like you, he doesn't want to crash, he doesn't want to deal w/ an engine failure, he doesn't want to fly through a flock of birds, etc ... Take comfort in knowing that the folks operating the plane are spouses, parents, children, etc ... There is more to their lives than just flying a plane. Just like you, their paramount aim is to get to the destination safe and sound - for your life and their own!
	on April 12, 2011 meredithk115 4,186 said: ha-mice only freak me out because I don't know where they are running to. Rats have always been a no-go but strictly based on the fact that they are filthy! bugs I am okay with but big hairy spiders are just disgusting-I feel like they should shave/wax/thread. gross. I am so glad that I am not the only one that can't stand squirrels. I am so showing my husband this.....
	on April 12, 2011 Becky 13,128 said: Bugs do nothing for me, centipedes, snakes, snails, spiders, etc. Bring It! ;-) Mice (and rats too I guess) freak the crap outta me though. One night I had to go bathroom but saw a tiny mouse scurry across the floor.. I waited until morning to go. @Ali, totally hear you about the squirrels. I actually don't get why people think squirrels are cute!? They're just rats with bushy tails!! Freaky....totally don't respect personal boundaries, wild eyed rodents. shudder
	on April 12, 2011 mamaluv STAFF said: @Lauren @Ali @Meredith - I'm not afraid of rodents or heights at all. Isn't it funny how we get so silly about these things? I've always said that if it weren't for the gross food or the spiders/snakes challenges, I would win Fear Factor on every episode.
	on April 12, 2011 meredithk115 4,186 said: @Ali-regarding the squirrels-EXACTLY. When I went to school they would pop up out of trash cans and I would just scream and run. One time I dropped all my books on the ground and took off. My friend walking with me almost peed herself (laughing). Then when I got to Canada and saw the black squirrels, it took that craziness to a "different level" I haven't been able to rationalize the fear (yet). Still working through that. Maybe I will try that the next time I fly! I think maybe booking a 'pleasure' trip that involves a flight will be my next step in the therapeutic process. Yeah, that's it....the "process"
	on April 12, 2011 meredithk115 4,186 said: Patty, I am actually going through something very similiar-it's a fear of flying program. Later on in the program, I have the option of going on the flight simulator, which (at this time) I am not looking forward to.
	on April 12, 2011 Ali de Bold STAFF said: Meredith, this is great! I used to be terrified of flying too. So much so I'd literally sit in my seat and shake. Sometimes people would notice. And then one day while I was on a plane waiting for it to take off, I decided that was dumb and I was tired and embarrassed of being the panicky passenger. I just told myself I wasn't afraid anymore and that was that. Amazingly that worked and I've been fine ever since. I still get nervous if there is a lot of turbulence but aside from that, flying is now a non-issue. On another note, there is nothing wrong with being afraid of squirrels. They are crazy and always have that wild look in their eyes. They stare without shame and I've always been freaked out by the way they flick their tails rapidly like they are winding up to spring at you. The black ones in particular have no respect for personal boundaries.
	on April 12, 2011 Patty Boge said: Hi Meredith, I used to be so afraid to fly that it paralyzed me. I love seeing new places but my fear was enough to stop me from going to those places. I found an online program (roughly $500) called www.fearofflying.com and it changed my life! Captain Tom walks you through how a plane works and gives you some cognitive therapy exercises and videos to take along. Best money I’ve ever spent and my fear was completely gone on the first week of the program. I highly recommend it.