Mommy Memoirs: Is Parenting By The Book Total Crap?

Posted by Claire | Wednesday June 15, 2011

As a mom of three, some might call me a parenting veteran. But that would imply I've retired from the field of battle, which would be wrong. I'm still deep in the trenches.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I read the books. I wrote out schedules. My favourite show was A Baby Story (minus the gross bits). Dr. Jekyll was large and in charge. For example:

1) My kids will only eat organic food that I cook myself from scratch, probably even grown in my own garden (which would have been tricky since we lived in an apartment at the time, but in my defense I did have an indoor composter which is kind of the same thing isn't it?)

2) I will only use positive reinforcement with my kids, and no, that will not include bribery.

3) I will never drive a minivan. Ever.

Luckily for us, our first child was a very easy-natured baby, able to fall asleep anywhere and never played strange with Grandma or the cashiers at the grocery store. She was a little living doll that let me dress her up in any outfit I chose and only fussed when I tried to feed her that green goo masquerading as baby food (in fairness, I wouldn't eat it either).

We congratulated ourselves on our most excellent parenting. What pillars of the community, what role models to others we were! We felt free to pass on our tried-and-true advice to any and all who were around us. In short, we were a pair of sanctimonious you-know-whats.

In the height of this glorious parenting, we naturally chose to build on our excellent success and expand the family. In due course, I was pregnant with my son.

In due course, I turned into Mrs. Hyde. For example:

1) Since my kids hate some of those organic foods which, let's be honest, can occasionally be blandly coloured and taste a little "off," I will buy the cleverly marketed stuff that gives me that feel-good assurance and goes on sale regularly (hint: an out-of-control grocery budget will do wonders for your re-evaluation of what you put in your cart). I still buy plenty of fruits and veggies, but am willing to peel the skin, soak it in sauce, and use a flip-flopping barrage of cajoling and threatening for the mandatory take-one-taste-of-everything-on-your-dinner-plate rule.

2) I use positive and negative reinforcement, and yes, that most certainly does include bribery. McDonald's, for instance.

3) I have been the proud owner of a Honda Odyssey for five years. It has a snack caddy, a DVD player, and enough storage space to cart around a wide variety of toys and gizmos to make any outing tolerable. I am so over my once-beloved VW Golf, I don't even remember what colour it was.

Yet even in the midst of this most attitude-altering experiment, we felt our family was not quite complete. So we conceived again...and then we were outnumbered.

But that's another story.

Which "rules" have you broken as a parent?

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8 Comments

	on June 17, 2011 Bubblybunny 4,709 said: @Ali - Hahah! Mommy-to-be, I saw your list right after reading Nora's piece of high expectations. My immediate thoughts were: "Ah...here's a mom with high expectations who is setting herself up for disappointment." Then, I thought, "Maybe she's joking...?" As I login to type my response, I went through your list again and saw that perhaps your expectations are not so unreasonable after all, joke or not. Let's review: * Will grow up to be a CEO -> Could very well happen. Just look at who are the kid's parents! ;) * Will not throw food on the floor or make a mess of our car -> Umm...yeah...good luck with this one. * Will blow own nose -> Achieved by my son somewheres between 2-2.5 years old. * Will be potty trained by 6 months -> Ever heard of Elimination Communication? There are parents out there who forego diapers completely (or part-time). Seriously, google it. I kid you not. * Won't bring home infectious diseases such as the stomach flu -> Hasn't happened to us yet!! At least not the stomach flu... * Will look at fast food with disdain -> If they are not given fast food, they wouldn't even know what it is. This one is definitely do-able. See?! Your list is actually not so bad!! :D
	on June 15, 2011 beachbabe 4,164 said: LOL Ali! You're hilarious. I worked in a daycare for about a year with babies and toddlers, 3 months - 24 months. I think because of this experience I learned what is actually doable based on rules I've seen many other parents have. And some a little silly, in my opinion at least. Bottom line, if it works for your kid then go for it! And I am all about bribery. "If you come to your cousin's recital and can sit nicely and quietly, there will be a Happy Meal in it for you." Everyone needs SOME junk food every once in awhile! And some motivation to behave. lol Oh, one more thing. That daycare had a connected side to the preschool kids, ages 2-4. It was against the rules to let them watch more than 30 min. of tv per day. But on those days when going outside wasn't an option and the toys were getting boring to play with, it was amazing how much they'd settle down when Mickey's Clubhouse was on!
	on June 15, 2011 Ali de Bold STAFF said: @mamaluv your Golf was white. I and do remember how you used to cook in those days. Right now I'm remembering your made from scratch tiramisu. Drool. Your kids certainly turned out adorable regardless of which rules you ended up throwing out. I have one main one for my baby right now: * Will grow up to be a CEO. And then some lesser yet still important ones: * Will not throw food on the floor or make a mess of our car. * Will blow own nose * Will be potty trained by 6 months * Won't bring home infectious diseases such as the stomach flu * Will look at fast food with disdain and so forth...
	on June 15, 2011 mamaluv STAFF said: @bubblybunny - love your list! I definitely broke those rules too :) Eating off the floor? Please. That's what the 3-second (or 30-second, in my case) rule is for!
	on June 15, 2011 stylinmommy said: Yes! Love this post - so utterly true. If theres one thing I've learned as a first time mom its that rules are malarkey - you end up doing what works for you and your family! We went from a subcompact car to an SUV, have foam play mats all over our previously spotless dark hardwood flooring, and are on a nap schedule as much as I hated that concept before having a kid.
	on June 15, 2011 TammyK 1,073 said: McDonald's! I remember when I was young (I was the first born) my mom didn't know what to do when I have a temper tantrum so she would use McDonald's to bribe me.
	on June 15, 2011 Bubblybunny said: Many... - No yelling at the kids - No co-sleeping/co-napping (on the same bed) - Only serve fruits as desserts, no other sugary treats - No potato chips - Only serve homemade baked fries - Only serve veggie sticks or fruits as snacks - Less than 2 hours of TV per day and only when necessary - No eating off the floor, even at home - No chewing toys that do not belong to us (even when visiting friends) ...and the list goes on and on and on...
	on June 15, 2011 Siofan 50 said: I rented a minivan for a friend's stagette...and I loved it! It had so many amazing features, I am now jealous whenever I see moms driving around in them.