Mommy Memoirs: My Van is Making A Squeaking Noise and I Really Wish That Meant Engine Trouble

Posted by Claire | Wednesday June 1, 20119 comments

Wanna get on my bad side? Buy my kid a toy that makes noises.

We all have our shopping crutches for kids: some are gaga for stuffed animals, others (like me) give smug gifts of "educational value," and yet others (like my mister) buy whatever is closest to the cash registers for quick in-and-out shopping. 

And then there are those who are just truly evil. Or misguided. Maybe both. These are the people who give my kids toys that make noises. 

My sisters-in-law bought one such toy for an overseas trip a few years ago. It was a Tigger doll, which in fairness is vastly preferable to earlier gifts from this dynamic duo: a Barney cellphone, Tickle-Me Elmo, and an Old Macdonald mobile that was defective and could not be switched off.  That bouncy-trouncy-flouncy-pouncy toy irritated us and everyone rear of Row 22 all the way from Toronto to Amsterdam.

For the past two or three months, my van has been squeaking. Not the comforting sounds of failing brakes, engine trouble or a faulty air conditioning unit - those I can deal with. No, my van shrieks "I'm Theodore!!" every time I go over a speed bump.

Somewhere in my vehicle, an evil little Chipmunk toy is hiding. And since I can't exactly drive over a speed bump and search for it simultaneously, it mocks me every time I drive to the elementary school to pick up my kids.

For the record there are exactly three speed bumps on my route, six if you count the return journey.

I attempted to condition my kids to my purchasing preferences so that they would not spend their allowance at the dollar store on Toys That Make Noise. I punished them with the consequence of having to listen to the music I grew up on (which, horrifyingly, can only now be found on the oldies radio stations).

The outcome? My sons like them some Def Leppard and Journey, while my daughter rocks out to Madonna and old-school Michael Jackson. Did they...just train me?

Parents, help me make a Public Service Announcements for the Aunties, Uncles, and Grandparents out there. Which toy tops your Must-Never-Have list? 
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9 Comments

on June 02, 2011  Creamsicle  60 said:

"Hi, I'm Lily! Sing a counting song with me! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-doot 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9- do-do-do-do-do-10!"

Someday I WILL throw her away :)

on June 01, 2011  jskim07  50 said:

@mamaluv, I always found baby dolls so scary. The fact that yours made sounds, freaks me out!!! Good thing you chucked it when you could!

on June 01, 2011  Ali de Bold  STAFF said:

Claire, this is too funny! I can just imagine you driving alone in the van with that noise going off. I bought some toys from Disney's Cars that were like that. I had them in the trunk and they make noise from movement. Dialogue and roaring sounds along with some tire squealing. It was the most ridiculous drive home from Wal-Mart, and then when I gave them to my nephews I did feel a certain amount of guilt that the parents wouldn't be too pleased when they noticed how much noise they make. I have the feeling there will be many revenge gifts from aunties and uncles via my child.

on June 01, 2011  mamaluv  STAFF said:

@Takoda - we had a baby doll that was like that. It cried when it wanted its soother or to be held. The power source was sewn inside the body, so we couldn't remove the batteries. Eventually the batteries ran down and the toy was forgotten in a bin somewhere. A few months ago, I was cleaning out some stuff and was freaked to hear this low, demonic gurgling sound. I dug deep in the bin and found this doll - it was the culprit and I guess the batteries were so low that it was running the noise super slow which was why it sounded so weird. Luckily my kids were out of the house so I tossed it in the garbage where it grunted and growled until garbage pickup day.

on June 01, 2011  MaryGorgeous  1,616 said:

OMG I once saw the cutest little toddler walking around with shoes that squeaked--- like a dog's chew toy(?)--with every step... that was WAY CUTE!

Totally not the same thing, I think, as an annoying toy.

on June 01, 2011  jskim07  50 said:

hahahha!!! These are all such funny stories!!! Now I know why my barking dog doesn't make a sound anymore.
I also used to have a pair of dinosaur shoes, where with every step, a huge roar will come out from the shoes, and lights will start flashing. This isn't a toy, but it drives everyone around me crazy.
Ahh...good times!

on June 01, 2011  TammyK  1,073 said:

What a funny article Claire. Not to mention they funny stories from both takoda and MaryGorgeous. I never thought about how these toys with sounds can be such a bother but I really see it now. Haha from this article I know to never get a toy with noise for anyone.

on June 01, 2011  MaryGorgeous  1,616 said:

Hahaha! What a funny article!



When my sister and I were little, I distinctly remember a particular
long drive home where my sister (cute little blond with big pigtails)
was sitting beside me with a stuffed cat from the dollar store (gift
from grandparent) that would MEOW every time you pet it, shook it, or
lifted it. It was a very sensitive sensor as every bump we went over,
it would "meow meow MEOW". That's right THREE meeeeeeows!



After a while, I remember my mom reaching back and smiling"hey sweetie,
can I see the kitty?" My little sissy passed the meowing kitty to my
mom. My mom turned in the seat for just a moment, then returned the
kitty toy smiling again, "how cute!"



My sister smiled and looked down at her toy, and I watched as her face
change from proud owner of the meowing kitty to--confusion. She shook
the toy and... silence.



She shook it vigorously...silence.



...At the time, I was also miffed... thinking about it now--I realize my mom's bold trick!



One can only take so much of the toys that make noise...

on June 01, 2011  takoda  28,648 said:




Every thing and every thing
that makes repeating sounds. All of us that have kids have gone through the
same thing at one point or another. My brother in-law that lives out west sent
our first son a dinosaur that roars when you touch it. I still to this day, 18
years later, think it's possessed. It has no batteries in it, but it still goes
of on its own. Two months ago I thought my dog was having some kind of a
seizure in the middle of the night. I was awaken by this horrifying sound. I
jumped out of bed to find out if this sound was coming from the dog, or one of
the kids. Only to trip over the dog that was lying at the foot of our bed.
After I collected myself I continued my screech for the sound that I could
still hear, confirming to my self that I wasn't dreaming. Finally after going
from room to room, stopping ever ounce in awhile to listen for the direction
the sound was coming from, I found it. It was on the sun porch six rooms away
from our bedroom. It was coming from that @%$$&^ dinosaur!! It has no shout
off button on it, so I picked it up and tossed it out the back door, where it
stayed until it finally shut up. My son won't let me give it away because he's
only bin able to talk to this uncle over the phone. NOT FAIR!!! It made it's
way back into my house later that day and I can just bet that now that I've
talked about the stupid thing it will scared the crap out of me again tonight.
LOL


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