Mommy Memoirs: My Van is Making A Squeaking Noise and I Really Wish That Meant Engine Trouble
Wanna get on my bad side? Buy my kid a toy that makes noises.
We all have our shopping crutches for kids: some are gaga for stuffed animals, others (like me) give smug gifts of "educational value," and yet others (like my mister) buy whatever is closest to the cash registers for quick in-and-out shopping.
And then there are those who are just truly evil. Or misguided. Maybe both. These are the people who give my kids toys that make noises.
My sisters-in-law bought one such toy for an overseas trip a few years ago. It was a Tigger doll, which in fairness is vastly preferable to earlier gifts from this dynamic duo: a Barney cellphone, Tickle-Me Elmo, and an Old Macdonald mobile that was defective and could not be switched off. That bouncy-trouncy-flouncy-pouncy toy irritated us and everyone rear of Row 22 all the way from Toronto to Amsterdam.
For the past two or three months, my van has been squeaking. Not the comforting sounds of failing brakes, engine trouble or a faulty air conditioning unit - those I can deal with. No, my van shrieks "I'm Theodore!!" every time I go over a speed bump.
Somewhere in my vehicle, an evil little Chipmunk toy is hiding. And since I can't exactly drive over a speed bump and search for it simultaneously, it mocks me every time I drive to the elementary school to pick up my kids.
For the record there are exactly three speed bumps on my route, six if you count the return journey.
I attempted to condition my kids to my purchasing preferences so that they would not spend their allowance at the dollar store on Toys That Make Noise. I punished them with the consequence of having to listen to the music I grew up on (which, horrifyingly, can only now be found on the oldies radio stations).
The outcome? My sons like them some Def Leppard and Journey, while my daughter rocks out to Madonna and old-school Michael Jackson. Did they...just train me?
Parents, help me make a Public Service Announcements for the Aunties, Uncles, and Grandparents out there. Which toy tops your Must-Never-Have list?
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9 Comments
"Hi, I'm Lily! Sing a counting song with me! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-doot 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9- do-do-do-do-do-10!" | |
@mamaluv, I always found baby dolls so scary. The fact that yours made sounds, freaks me out!!! Good thing you chucked it when you could! | |
Claire, this is too funny! I can just imagine you driving alone in the van with that noise going off. I bought some toys from Disney's Cars that were like that. I had them in the trunk and they make noise from movement. Dialogue and roaring sounds along with some tire squealing. It was the most ridiculous drive home from Wal-Mart, and then when I gave them to my nephews I did feel a certain amount of guilt that the parents wouldn't be too pleased when they noticed how much noise they make. I have the feeling there will be many revenge gifts from aunties and uncles via my child. | |
@Takoda - we had a baby doll that was like that. It cried when it wanted its soother or to be held. The power source was sewn inside the body, so we couldn't remove the batteries. Eventually the batteries ran down and the toy was forgotten in a bin somewhere. A few months ago, I was cleaning out some stuff and was freaked to hear this low, demonic gurgling sound. I dug deep in the bin and found this doll - it was the culprit and I guess the batteries were so low that it was running the noise super slow which was why it sounded so weird. Luckily my kids were out of the house so I tossed it in the garbage where it grunted and growled until garbage pickup day. | |
OMG I once saw the cutest little toddler walking around with shoes that squeaked--- like a dog's chew toy(?)--with every step... that was WAY CUTE! | |
hahahha!!! These are all such funny stories!!! Now I know why my barking dog doesn't make a sound anymore. | |
What a funny article Claire. Not to mention they funny stories from both takoda and MaryGorgeous. I never thought about how these toys with sounds can be such a bother but I really see it now. Haha from this article I know to never get a toy with noise for anyone. | |
Hahaha! What a funny article! | |
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