Mommy Memoirs: No, Every Child Does Not Deserve a Puppy for Christmas (page 2)

Mommy Memoirs: No, Every Child Does Not Deserve a Puppy for Christmas

Posted by Claire | Thursday November 10, 2011

If you're a parent, you know that things don't always go exactly according to Plan.

(Heck, if you're a parent, you probably tossed the Plan years ago. I mean, let's just get real for a sec.)

Somehow we went from a strict "No Pet Household" policy to an "Okay, absolutely no more than 20 pets at once - and I really mean it this time" policy.

In truth, I'm not actually 100% on the number. It might be higher than that. We're talking 2 dogs, 1 cat, 13 fish, and at least 4 tadpoles. Those tiny buggers are hard to keep tabs on.

The only way I agreed to any of this was the understanding that I would not have to feed, clean up after, drive to the vet, or otherwise acknowledge the existence of any of these pets - that was to be the responsibility of the innocent-eyed children who had their way with Daddy following a Blinky Blinky begging sesh.

However, they've somehow got me doing all of the above chores. It might have something to do with the fact that the only thing grosser than cleaning the litter pan is dealing with dog barf on my deck or the stench of an algae-coated fish tank.

I swear these kids have a copy of Getting To Yes stashed somewhere. I really must read it one of these days.

***Grossness Alert: if you're squeamish, click away immediately. However, if you enjoy a good laugh at someone else's expense, keep reading.

Yesterday I spent an unforgettable 20 minutes cleaning cat poo out of my shower, and this morning my house still smells like sh*t.

My little rascals thought it'd be too hilarious to trap the cat in my walk-in shower (yes this one - remember? My spa-like retreat?). It might have been hilarious except that they forgot about her for several hours and it was only the smell of nasties that reminded us she was in there. She wasn't yowling or even looking remotely guilty about it - just patiently waiting to be let out.

Gagging, I scooped up the pile of poo and flushed it down the toilet. Too grossed out to scrub the shower floor by hand, I alternatively rinsed with the shower head and napalmed the area with pure bleach.

Turns out that while the mess goes away, the stench remains. When Daddy came home, the first thing he smelled was the odorific mélange of feces and bleach.

It ain't pretty. And after 16 hours, it ain't gone yet either.

I'm also pretty sure the people who told me that every kid deserves a puppy, kitty, or other creeping creature are the same ones who also buy my kids toys that make noises. I really must stop listening to them, hmm?

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16 Comments

	on November 10, 2011 beachbabe 4,164 said: I'm still working on my husband for a puppy! He has vowed we will NEVER have one. His parents are very very staunch Germans and I'm pretty they brainwashed him into thinking that all dogs are evil and do nothing but make messes. So I'm trying to remind him you train the dog! :) I had one growing up and she was just fine. Anyway, I'm still working on it. I will never stop the blinky blinky begging sessions! But I get the impressiong he MIGHT be ok with a cat? I do not want a cat....... Dog person over here.
	on November 10, 2011 Becky 13,128 said: I'm alternating between laughing at your cat's ingenuity (that's what you get for sticking me in the shower stall!) and feeling bad for the cat for being stuck in there in the first place. Oh and you too, for having to clean up and live through the residual smell. :-) We have a kitten at my parents (well, she's like 1.5yrs, that's still "kitten" right?). She. Is. Adorable. We tend to spoil her, especially my mom and I. She is the baby of the family, and everyone just loves her to pieces. I think she's the one member of the household we all love unconditionally all the time lol! It's so fascinating to watch her interact with all of us. She treats us all differently, and she understands everything. She has such a huge personality.. She knows how to behave with each of us, I've met kids who don't have half the intellect or sensitivity she has. I can go on and on about her. lol I cannot wait to get a kitten of my own at my place!! My husband initially said "NO"....buuuuuut, I'm the queen of Blinky Blinky begging sesh, so I'm sure we'll have one by next year, which is actually when I want one :-)
	on November 10, 2011 The Fashion P.A. 1,255 said: I LOVE pets! But my parents limited my brother and I to 1 dog when we were growing up LOL :) I find animals fascinating and seem to be surrounded by friends who think so too. When we moved to Toronto my fiance and I desperately wanted to own/raise a dog together but after talking about it we realized Cats and their independent nature would allow us to work late or hang with friends more frequently than a dog. One day I was coming home from work and the pet store around the corner of our house had a simple pink sign that only read, "KITTENS" I walked straight in and feel in love immediately. I begged my boyfriend to come look and when his heart melted I let him choose which cat and the name. Part of my negotiating tactics to take the plunged was my promise to always scoop the cat litter. I'm happy to report after 4 years my bf could count on 1 hand the number of times he's had to scoop. I love taking care of my cat even during the times she got sick and excreted from both ends all around our house....... I owe it all to my parents for sharing and stressing the responsibility of being a pet owner, it's a lot of work!
	on November 10, 2011 mamaluv STAFF said: @Ali - famous last words, my friend. Famous last words!
	on November 10, 2011 AlexJC 50 said: Poor kitty! Growing up, my brother and I were horrible to our pet cat! (It was more him than me though haha). He would squirt the water gun at the cat- but we weren't too bad though! One day when I was younger though I caught the cat staring at me and licking his lips and it terrified me- I thought he was planning something big, like he was going to eat me in the night- so I straightened up my act hahaha. Maybe try a smaller animal first- I had a pet mouse and guinea pig, but their cages are the worst to clean!
	on November 10, 2011 Ali de Bold STAFF said: This is so so disgusting! But hilarious. This is a prime example why I never want pets!!