Should I Lower My Standards?

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Should I Lower My Standards?

Posted by Nora | Thursday June 16, 2011

...And other questions that come up during instant messenger conversations.

I’m what some people would describe as intense. I’m a girl who wants the gold star on top of her paper, even when the paper in question is really a client presentation I built in PowerPoint, or a friendship, or a cake I’ve baked just because (this example has never happened).

Simply put: I’m a girl with standards.

I was raised with a simple proverb beaten into my tender skull: take the message to Garcia. If you’re a 9-year-old girl who doesn’t know who Garcia is and why your father keeps telling you to take a message to him, that’s actually the whole point. The details don’t matter, you get the job done and you do it right.

Failing to meet my father’s standards about taking proper telephone messages, remembering to buy milk or cleaning up after our own messes meant watching him shake his head back and forth, asking if you remembered the message to Garcia.

This intolerance for half-assery quickly permeated every aspect of my existence. Like my father, when others fail to meet this standard, I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. And baffled. And a little bit offended.

And I’m not alone, either. One particularly deep instant messenger conversation the other week revealed that my friend is suffering from the same affliction, feeling somewhat alone in her desire for absolute perfection in all areas of life. This of course led to a conversation that went something like this: “Is it us? It can’t be us, right? Do we need to…lower our standards?”

The answer of course is no. The cure for ongoing disappointment isn’t to lower the bar until its just something that people can trip over, it’s to make sure that those around you understand what your actual expectations are. Personally, most of my disappointments stem from the fact that I expect a certain amount of mind reading from those around me.

These frustrations would subside if I remembered that not every human on this planet is operating by the standards set forth in the Nora McInerny Handbook to Life, so the lady whose crappy parking job made me walk an extra fifteen yards to get my morning depth charge isn’t trying to ruin my morning, she’s just unfamiliar with my personal bylaw about considerate parking.

On a more personal level, people can only live up to expectations that they know exist before I end up sighing heavily and rolling my eyes at their negligence.

I know all you ChickAdvisor ladies are also women with high standards…what do you think?

by Nora McInerny

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7 Comments

	on June 17, 2011 AlexJC 50 said: I totally agree- I can't stand when people don't tackle an issue, problem or project with the same level of determination that I do. At the same time, I think that if you strive for perfection in every single little thing you do, you end up making yourself go crazy. I think in the end you need to realise that not everybody is the same but those are the people who won't get anywhere because of a bad attitude and at the same time, sometimes, it is ok to let one or two things slide... because you will make yourself sick with worrying if you don't!
	on June 16, 2011 Lumeena said: I don't think it's a matter of lowering your standards Nora, but holding others hostage to your expectations is unfair. Not everyone has been brought up like you. You've been conditioned by your upbringing to behave this way, so now, if others don't perform like you expect them to, you are disappointed, just like your father was with you when you were a child. I agree that communication is key in any relationship be it in personal friendships, family, or business. Letting others know what we expect of them ahead of time is crucial. I also think that we must let others be themselves and do things the way they would do them and not try to nitpick. As long as they get it done, it's all that matters.
	on June 16, 2011 mamaluv STAFF said: Agree with Ali's apathy comment, Tammy's communication/expectations comment, and in general everything you said in this post. Also, I accept the editor's position and will send you a royalties invoice shortly ;) But seriously now, I think that expectations can be unfair and/or not applicable. There are non-negotiables and then there are the things "not worth fighting over". I have had to compromise a lot in my life, but looking back I think I can safely say that it was all worth it. When I think back to my grandparents fleeing Europe during WW2 and losing parents, siblings, and loves, it makes me realize that some expectations in life really don't matter in The Big Picture. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with having a "type" or having a list of what you look for in a love interest. I just think that list needs to be secondary to gut instinct and rational thought.
	on June 16, 2011 Meesh said: Amen sister friend! You know how I feel about this...and PLEASE publish the Nora McInererny Handbook to Life. I will wallpaper a room with it and buy at least a dozen copies.
	on June 16, 2011 Nora said: Ali you will be the first to read it because you, Claire and Siofan will be the editors...DUH!
	on June 16, 2011 TammyK 1,073 said: Great article! I really like that part where you point out that people can only live up to expectations that they know exist. I find a lot of females including myself to kind of expect things to happen and expect our husband, boyfriend, whoever, to keep trying and to just do what we expect when they have no clue. Communication is really important in any relationship.
	on June 16, 2011 Ali de Bold STAFF said: I couldn't agree more. I have high standards too. One of my biggest pet peeves is apathy. People who don't try, don't care whose life motto seems to be "whatever". They call it laid back, but I think it's lazy. On another note, Nora please let me know when you publish the Nora McInerny Handbook to Life. I am certain this would be a best seller and I'd like an advance copy for review.