...or, Your Good Manners Will Make Me Automatically Like You (or at least, tolerate being around you)

In every way, the guy I married is a shining example of patience. And in every way, I am exactly the opposite. Things that barely make him blink make me curmudgeonly and cranky and out of sorts like a tall, blond Andy Rooney.

And one of those things that really gets my 'Rooney' going is bad manners. As a 29-year-old woman who still picks her nose in public I’m really not qualified to consider myself an expert on perfect manners, but I do know bad ones when I see them. For example:

#1 - Asking a woman if she’s pregnant
Ever. If she was, and you were supposed to know, she’d tell you. And for the record, I’m not pregnant; I just wear a lot of oddly-shaped clothing.

#2 - Sneezing into your bare hands in a public space
...and then touching everything around you. I’m looking at you, DMV lady. Even my 3 year-old nephew knows the power of the Dracula cough.

#3 - Describing a woman’s outfit as “interesting.”
If you don’t have something specifically nice to say, at least say it behind my back.

#5 - Listening to loud music in a confined space
Nobody in this elevator wants to listen to your iPod.  Nobody.

This weekend, my patience and our marriage were put to the test when we took a 36-hour trip to Atlanta to celebrate the official-official-official adoption of our ovary-wrenching nephew (seriously, look at that face).


A long time ago I read an article (okay, probably just a Facebook post) that said something about judging a person’s character by how they behave when they are around children, the elderly, and in an airport. Clearly Aaron has never read that saying because two trips to the airport later, we are somehow still married.

While Aaron was nonplussed by every part of the trip, I was busy adding to my ever-growing list of Common Etiquette Tips for Being A Decent Human Being (Airplane Edition):

#1 - Don’t get drunk and start finger-conducting to Nickelback in your seat.
Nobody thinks you look awesome doing it. Everyone is mad that you are touching them with your emphatic rendition of “Photograph”.

#2 - Control your voice
If you’re using a hands-free device to talk on your phone, you are always yelling. Always. Also, what are you doing with your hands that makes them unavailable to hold your phone?

#3 - Slow your roll
Why are you jumping out of your seat to cut off the person in the row across from you? So you can get off the plane a whole two seconds before her?

#4 - Don’t eat olives
Or tuna sandwiches or giant burritos. Where do you even buy such a smelly traveI food?

#5 - Keep your personal grooming personal
Newsflash: first class is no place to be plucking your eyebrows and painting your nails.

#6 - Don’t be so short, Airplane Door
Okay, it was entirely my fault that I smashed my forehead into you.

What bad manners drive you nuts? And if you say “Nora picking her nose in public”, I already know that one. I’m working on it.