The Power of Language and Why I Really Need to Stop Using the S-Word (page 2)

The Power of Language and Why I Really Need to Stop Using the S-Word

Posted by Nora | Thursday January 19, 2012

You know what the most overused word in my vocabulary is? “Um”, followed closely by “like.” But removing those conversational crutches that keep me from stuttering or freezing like a deer in headlights when speaking in front of other humans, “Sorry” is the the word I’m most likely to wear out.

Not because I’m perpetually wrong (I’ve been wrong maybe three or four times in my entire life, I’m sure) but because it’s a constant disclaimer I use before my opinions.

And it’s not just me, either. A brief audit of my work sisters showed that we are all saying “sorry” about 367% too often.

We’re saying sorry to the barista when she gives us the wrong coffee, sorry when we disagree with someone’s opinion, sorry when we just don’t want to do something, sorry when there is literally nothing to apologize for.

I’d like to be able to identify this as a Girl Power problem, but have you watched any Minnesota Wolves games lately? Of course you haven’t, but if you had you would see that Kevin Love apologizes to the crowd after nearly every missed shot, and it’s probably as embarrassing as when I find myself apologizing for not agreeing with my friend’s assessment on the Best Donuts In The World.

There are plenty of times when saying the word Sorry is appropriate. For instance, when you hit a person’s car with your car, when you step on your dog’s tail, when you spill coffee on a woman sitting next to you on an airplane who is wearing a white sweatsuit (even though, yeah, she’s wearing a white sweatsuit in public), when your kid bites another kid on the playground or when you accidentally fart in front of your new husband for the first time and he looks like he is ready to flush his wedding ring down the toilet and burn your marriage license in the sink.

But like any other word, Sorry loses its meaning the more you use it out of context. Among his many catch phrases, my Grandfather used to tell us to “say what we mean, and mean what we say.” As a kid, that was lost on me just as much as “take all you want, but eat all you take,” which he would solemnly say to me as I struggled to shovel those last five bites of mashed potatoes down my throat. Now, I think I’ve grown to understand the gravity and importance of the words I use, even if I still need to cut down on my more than liberal use of the F-word.

The point is, our words are important, even when we don’t think that they are, and constantly apologizing erodes our authority in the same way that constantly referring to myself as a dummy or a goofball chips away at how other people view my intelligence. I’m truly not as dumb as I pretend to be, and if you need any proof I will gladly have my mother unearth all of my childhood aptitude tests. Just kidding but not really kidding at all because I have them in a storage unit somewhere.

Do me a favor: pay attention to how often you hear yourself and the people around you say “sorry.” How often do you find yourself saying the S-word?

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19 Comments

	on January 19, 2012 Tara said: Power to the ladies! Stand proud and stop apologizing. Great post.
	on January 19, 2012 AlexJC 50 said: I say the stereotypical 'Eh?' way too often, it gets to be embarrassing! Since working here and spending most of my time on social media, I have also developed the habit of speaking in hashtags and short forms and adding emoticons to everything- #totesamaze :) anyone???
	on January 19, 2012 Nora said: @Becky-- I can't stop laughing. The worst part about my fart is that we were both equally surprised at what happened. I had no idea it was coming! I couldn't stop it!
	on January 19, 2012 Nora said: @mamaluv YES. I say "No, I know." All the time. Why?!
	on January 19, 2012 mamaluv STAFF said: Favourite comment of the day: "A verbal "sorry" followed by an internal "that you're such a dumbass" type thing." Thanks for the giggle, Becky! And as far as farting goes, this is where having kids and pets comes in really handy. There's always someone else to blame :) (or, if you have boys as I do, they don't mind if you let 'er rip - it's hilarious to them).
	on January 19, 2012 Becky 13,128 said: @mamaluv I think you took "Yah, no, I know. Totally." out of my vocab! lol To be honest I use it when I don't really agree with someone but I don't care enough about the topic to give my real opinion, or I'm distracted. So I use it quite often!! LOL Especially "totally" and "awesome" (as you guys can probably tell by all my liberal use of the words when I type). I call my husband "dude". I stick with generic "dude" mainly cuz I'm deathly afraid of accidentally calling him by another guys name! Not that I get around, but I work in an all male environment, I have guy friends, I mostly talk to guys during my day...it's totally a doable mistake, but one I don't think he'll appreciate..dude. @Nora, at least you're polite enough to say "sorry" when you accidentally fart!! Accidents have occurred in my household too. Has this ever happened to you, when you think it'll be a small-ie unnoticeable little fooff and..it doesn't? I'm not saying it's happened to me (i'm not admitting to anything!) but say that ever happened, I would just ignore it, look straight ahead and pretend I didn't hear a thing. Except for the time I was looking him straight in the eye and talking to him, and it happened. Very hard to ignore that. The shocked look on his face was totally worth it though! lol!! I say "sorry" a lot... I'm in IT so, I say a lot of sorries in my job. A verbal "sorry" followed by an internal "that you're such a dumbass" type thing. Me saying "sorry" makes users feel better :-)
	on January 19, 2012 amyknows 2,352 said: I never really thought about this too deeply. You are very right! I'm going to try to be more aware of when this comes out of my mouth, because I'm fairly certain I'm a repeat offender as well. Good point, chicka!
	on January 19, 2012 shellsbells85 3,580 said: This is pretty interesting....I dont know if I say "sorry" too much or not but I actually gotta watch and see if i do NOW! LOL MAMALUV: that is fricken HILARIOUS because I say "yah, no i know" WAY TOO MUCH too!! bahahahaha I always catch myself and am like WTF?!?! that doesnt even make real sense!!! I also know i say, "Perfect!" in a convo way too much as well...when someone is telling me something like directions, or an appt time or whatever it may be, i always reply with PERFECT! ugh!
	on January 19, 2012 mamaluv STAFF said: Wow, I do really suffer from word ruts too! Overapologizing is definitely one of them. Another thing I say is: "Yah, no, I know". How is this possible, you ask? Sister: "I mean, I loved her dress, but that hairstyle is so wrong, don't you think?" Me: "Yah, no, I know. Totally." Along with "totally", I seem to have a very unfortunate affliction with words from the '80s and early '90s (might have something to do with formative years), so I liberally use the word "dude", "Word", "Awesome", "rock on", and pretty much any quote from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Currently seeking miracle pill to fast forward my vocabulary to the 21st century.