The Single Girl's Guide to Growing Up

Posted by Nora | Monday March 14, 2011

I'm only three months into it, but 2011 has been a year for personal growth, a year for self-improvement and self-actualization...and a year where I realized I'm officially too old to ride a party bus, drink cheap keg beer or be enticed by $1 shots.

I know-- really deep stuff.

There are many stages of my youth I hope to never outgrow: hot pink nail polish, dresses that are more like shirts and my unabiding love for Britney Spears. But there are other things that aren't as charming once you're no longer a teenager: things that I have learned slowly but surely over the past few years.

So, here it is: the single girl's guide to growing up (Volume 1).

At 21
You are too old to care about what happened to you in high school. No girl stole your boyfriend like a thief in the night: he just wanted to see what it was like to date someone who was a different brand of crazy. Get over it and write her an apology note on Facebook for TP'ing her house sophomore year.

You are not old enough to have a mid-life crisis. Nobody knows what they want to be when they grow up, and you are not the first person to freak out about dipping your toe into the frigid waters of the real world.

You are too old to think smoking will make a boy like you. Trust me, he won't.

At 22
You are not old enough to live with your boyfriend. No, it is not the same as sleeping over there every night. In order to grow into the woman you want to be (*roll eyes*), you're going to need to learn to live an independent life. Yes, that means your rent will go up. Coincidentally, so will your self esteem.

At 23
You are too old to ask your parents for money to pay your taxes. Okay fine: just this once, but only because you didn't pay attention when you filled out your first real tax form.

At 24
You are too old to have passive-aggressive fights with your roommates and cry about it in your room.

You are not too old to make out with a stranger after 14 hours on a Greyhound bus after he essentially saves your life. That's practically the third date. Enjoy it: this will be the last year that behavior is considered anywhere close to normal.

At 25
You're too old to be scamming off the family cell phone plan. Pay up, sister.

At 26
You're too old to think that men without jobs are boyfriend material. Sadly, this will not deter you.

You are too old to still think smoking is cool. Again, this will not deter you.

At 27
You're too old to stay out past midnight on a weeknight. Sorry, but your internal clock has been set back to childhood and the days when you needed at least 8 solid hours of sleep.

At 28
You're too old to eat McDonald's more than once a month. Your metabolism will not forgive you for that cheeseburger.

Which life lessons have you learned so far?

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12 Comments

	on June 02, 2011 TammyK 1,073 said: I love reading all your articles Nora. They are entertaining, funny, and most of all, they are so TRUE.
	on March 21, 2011 Melissa said: Nora, good. It's annoying when they do that. Guys should be just as annoyed to be going out with unemployed girls and paying for them. It's not attractive to anyone.
	on March 18, 2011 emily said: At 27 you're too old to steal food (jars of spaghetti sauce and bottles of wine) from your parents every time you're at their house
	on March 17, 2011 nichol said: I'm 31 and sadly, I don't feel too old to ride a party bus. I realize this is a problem. :)
	on March 17, 2011 Nora said: @Mel--I didn't even GET to the let-boys-pay-for-things stage until about now, because of my affinity for underemployed man-children. growing up: it's a slow process.
	on March 16, 2011 cathy3087 98 said: This is SO funny! My fave (because it reminds me of my university days!): At 24 You are too old to have passive-aggressive fights with your roommates and cry about it in your room.
	on March 16, 2011 Mel said: I live with my boyfriend, and yes I am old enough to do it at that age. ;) These are pretty funny, though most come with exceptions anyways. The cheeseburger one made me laugh. I'm already too old enough at the age of 24 to even think of eating one of those too often. Metabolism has slowed to a creep. Here's another one for the 20s! You're too old to try and force your boyfriend to pay for everything. Yes, he likes you enough that he won't complain too much, but you are now a woman with a real job. See that money in your wallet? It is used for paying things! Shocking!
	on March 16, 2011 TOBeautyReviews 154 said: LOL I enjoyed reading this. I'm WAY past all these stages (and ages!) but I think I grew up fast for some reason. I do wish I "enjoyed" myself more - nothing risking or anything like that but I'm sure I missed out on a lot of experiences that would have made for great stories ;)
	on March 15, 2011 LaurenBlair 128 said: The more I see those shoes home page, the more I want them.
	on March 14, 2011 Ali de Bold STAFF said: Haha! I especially like this one: At 26 You're too old to think that men without jobs are boyfriend material. Sadly, this will not deter you. So glad I'm over that. I dated some guys where I had to pay for everything and drive them around in my car. So lame.