Francine Grapes
Member Since: February 3, 2020Reviews
Kiss My Face Active Enzyme Deodorant Summer Scent
Ladies, let me have a show of hands: how many of you have been divorced by your husbands because you're "too stinky?" I know that feeling. With this deodorant, the odds of being dumped for smelling like a dumpster are slim-to-none! Just peel off... +
Ladies, let me have a show of hands: how many of you have been divorced by your husbands because you're "too stinky?" I know that feeling.
With this deodorant, the odds of being dumped for smelling like a dumpster are slim-to-none! Just peel off the plastic, twist that baby out of its little plastic foreskin, and take a big bite. My tongue is on fire, and I can't feel my gums, but boy does my breath smell nice. Every time I speak, it's like a forest of evergreens tumbling out of my mouth.
Say goodbye to the neighbourhood dogs running in terror. Whatever ungodly stench you've got is no match for the overwhelming, Yankee Candle-adjacent breath you'll obtain by eating a couple of these smell sticks.
I have the most horrible diarrhea as a result, but at least it smells like lavender.
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Tim Hortons Honey Cruller
Do nut? Do nut. Do not? Do. Nut? Do nut. Donut. Don? Don? Don? Nut, Don. Do. Do nut, Don. Nut. Don nut? On u? Don. Don. Don. Honey Cruller, Don?
Do nut?
Do nut.
Do not?
Do.
Nut?
Do nut.
Donut.
Don?
Don?
Don?
Nut, Don.
Do.
Do nut, Don.
Nut.
Don nut?
On u?
Don.
Don.
Don.
Honey Cruller, Don?
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Nissan Micra
One day as I was walking through my local Costco's parking lot, dodging bullets and debris from an ongoing turf war that had suddenly erupted next to the garden centre, I found myself considering what my life had amounted to. As a twenty-eight year... +
One day as I was walking through my local Costco's parking lot, dodging bullets and debris from an ongoing turf war that had suddenly erupted next to the garden centre, I found myself considering what my life had amounted to. As a twenty-eight year old woman who had lived an additional thirty-four years, I had only recently begun to truly comprehend just how little time we humans have on this planet. Despite my years in law school, I was unemployed and had only forty years' worth of pension to rely upon; my situation was quite dire, it seemed.
I entered the Costco, grabbed my cart, curtly lied to the attendant about a medical condition so that I did not have to wear a mask, and proceeded into the bakery where, in a desperate attempt to stave off my anxiety, I coughed on all of the bread. Alas, this act that had brought me such profound inner peace in the past failed to calm my nerves.
The bread attendant-- also known as a baker in some circles-- seemed unimpressed with my behaviour as she hacked away at my hands with a bread knife, so I departed quickly, desperate to find some way to appease my worried mind.
"Of course!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, spewing phlegm onto a bald man in a wheelchair, "I'll go to the Nissan section!"
Rabidly, I pushed my cart through the bald man and his family of four, taking this opportunity to practice driving as recklessly as possible so that when I inevitably drove my car 30 miles over the speed limit in a school zone I would do it properly. The Micra, having been sought, was promptly bought without a second thought.
But it would not sate my famished soul. I drove furiously through school zones, double-parked for hours at a time, and cut off dozens of cyclers, but the Micra's charm could not cut through my 28+34 year-old cynicism. Life, it seemed, had lost its buzz.
So I drove the Micra off a cliff.
And you know what? It worked like a charm.
Two thumbs up, ladies and gents. If you're trying to kill yourself, I say it's Nissan or nothin'! I've been dead for two years and it's the best fun I've ever had. Having been reincarnated as a small boy from Northern Ireland, I can't tell you how excited I am to reach the legal driving age so that I can buy another Micra and do it all again! Thanks Nissan!
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Guitar hero 3 Legends of rock
So get this: I go to my local fish market and says to Frank— he's the guy who sells the fish at the market— I says, "Hey Frank." And Frank goes, "Yeah?" I says, "Hey Frank, you know how you sell fish?" Frank looks at me and he says, "Yeah, at... +
So get this: I go to my local fish market and says to Frank— he's the guy who sells the fish at the market— I says, "Hey Frank."
And Frank goes, "Yeah?"
I says, "Hey Frank, you know how you sell fish?"
Frank looks at me and he says, "Yeah, at this fish market."
"Of course," I says to him, "I know you'd never sell fish in a grocery store or nothin'."
And Frank says to me, he says— and you're not gonna believe this— he says to me, "I would rather—" and I'm not joking here, he says, "I would rather sell ROCKS than sell fish anywhere but this fish market."
I'm tellin' you: we don't call this guy Frank "The Tank Won't Fill So Let's Call a Plumber" Alfredson for nothin', you know what I'm sayin'?
Ah, this guy.
Anyways, you can imagine my surprise when I go to Frank's house and he's got this here, this "Legend of Rocks" or whatever it is. I says, "Frank! I don't believe it! You got this rock game, but you won't sell rocks?"
And Frank— that old jokester— he says to me, he says, "How the hell did you get into my house? I live seven kilometres away from the fish market. Did you follow me back to my house you psycho?"
And so I laugh. "Guess you'd better start selling fish at the grocery store!" I says to him.
Frank didn't like my joke much, I guess, 'cause he called the police after that. Now I gotta find a new fish guy who actually has a sense of humour— although, let's be honest: no guy who watches a movie about rocks is gonna be too up-to-date on the do's and don't's of comedy, ya know? I never actually watched the movie, but I can imagine a movie about rocks has gotta be about as interesting as watching paint dry. This "Legend of Rocks" movie really— I dunno, maybe it's just me— but there's somethin' about it I just don't like. It's not right. People shouldn't be so interested in rocks.
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